How to Deal with Toxic Relationships?

"Gaslighting"  has been named word of the year for 2022 by Merriam-Webster. This term describes one of the key mental tricks that toxic people love to use.

It's a hard feeling when someone you’ve always trusted and believed in turns out to be someone who causes you emotional and mental stress. That's what happens in “toxic” relationships.

These types of relationships come in many different shapes and forms, and one person always gets the short end of the stick.

It's always a good idea to arm yourself with the needed knowledge to understand what toxic relationships are, how they happen, what you can do to protect yourself, and how to avoid them in the future.

Let's see what the best days for dealing with toxic relationships are:

1. Set Boundaries:

Setting boundaries is all about understanding your wants and needs. When you are very clear about what you expect from people around you, it's less likely that they will try to jerk you around and take advantage of you.

For example, if you're in a relationship with your partner, and this partner only takes and refuses to give, you can try a couple of things:

• Let them know. If they refuse to acknowledge your feelings, you know you're dealing with a toxic relationship, and it's better to leave.
• Don't run up the stairs. Maybe your relationship takes time. It's better to move at a pace similar to theirs. This keeps both you and them honest.
• If all else fails, go no contact and don't look back.

Granted, many of these options might not immediately pop up because you're so used to bending over backward for them. This is another key issue that requires your attention.

Issues with setting boundaries stem from a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, two weaknesses that toxic people love to prey upon. Once your sense of self is in good shape, toxic people will never overstep your boundaries and abuse you.

2. Understand The Toxic Relationship:

Many toxic relationships actually appear quite functional. In fact, a lot of married people live with each other for decades, even when they know deep down that they are unsatisfied with their relationship.

Knowing the difference between “good enough” and “great” can be another factor that helps you deduce whether you're with a toxic person or not.

The following are the telltale signs of a toxic relationship in disguise:

• Lack of support: sure, your partner, friend, or family member is there for you most of the time, but when you're in deep trouble for any reason, they don't show up. This lack of support at pivotal moments in your life hurts, and you should act on it. 

• Lack of communication: you're able to talk with the other person, but there are still many grey areas that require more context. When you try communicating with them, they brush you off, ignore you, or call you crazy. If these things happen, understand that your relationship moving forward will be a difficult one.

• Control and manipulation: these are the most insidious. Toxic people are secretly narcissists, and narcissists love control. They will try to string you along and leave you high and dry by setting in motion events and conversations that serve their best interests at the expense of yours.

• Resentment: toxic people will jump at the opportunity to bring you down and make you feel bad about your failure. What about the opposite scenario? They hate it when you succeed. Toxic people build up resentment when you go through life achieving your goals. It becomes worse when you call them out on it and leave them.

These features are recurring in toxic relationships. Do your best to stay mindful of each one and figure out ways to counter them.

3. Accept It:

Toxicity is bad. You know it, yet if a family member is exhibiting it, it's hard to cut them off. It might be worth trying to let them know their behavior is bothering you, but when you start facing fierce resistance, it's time to call it what it is.

When you accept that your best friend, family member, or spouse is toxic, it becomes easier to deal with them. If you refuse to accept the hurt, you'll be stuck in a vicious cycle where your very sense of self might be at stake.

Toxic people will pull out all the stops to make you believe that everything is alright and that you're the one making a big fuss out of things.

There will be a lot of blame-shifting, shouting matches, and victimization going around, and this is soon followed either by a big fight or an ultimatum.

Don't fall for that. Be mindful, be aware, and accept the hurt. That's the only real way you will get past these individuals once you decide to leave them behind.

4. Reach Out For Help:

Your intuition will get you far when interacting with people, but sometimes you need an extra hand to weather the storm. If there are people you trust, tell them what you're going through.

It could be a friend, an anonymous person on the internet, or a therapist. Whatever means you have at your disposal, use them to get better.

If you feel extremely drained, a good friend will help you recharge. This one also gives you space and keeps you away from the toxic environment as much as possible.

Also, make sure to reach out to survivors of toxic relationships. Their stories will inspire you to take action and give you more strategies for dealing with toxicity in general.

5. Go No Contact:

This should be your last resort. When all else fails, when reasoning, communication, and good intentions fail to change the toxic person hurting you, it's time to cut your losses and move on.

Going “no contact” means precisely that. You delete the toxic individual/group from your life. Don't follow them on social media, don't keep things that remind you of them, and don't think they're going to change.

If they were going to change, they would've done so when you were a part of their life. The time for that has passed at this point. You have to be completely selfish and put your needs first and above everything.

The other side of the equation is that you don't want to hold any grudges. If you decide to go “no contact” in the hopes of getting revenge later, you're doing it wrong. Your goal should be to completely forget about the person and not hold on to any negative emotions.

Again, this is something you should only consider when everything else fails. It's not for the faint of heart, and it's really difficult if you try to do it with family members. In such a case, you need to be cautious and use your judgement, because family wounds are the toughest to heal.

In Conclusion:

Toxic relationships are a nightmare. You're dealing with so many conflicting emotions and thoughts that it becomes hard to tell what's good for you anymore.

This overview had a great deal of advice about how to deal with these types of relationships. Always make sure you set boundaries, understand the intentions of the other person, and leave no room for doubts.

A key takeaway and a lifelong lesson here is that you should love yourself and understand your self-worth. Otherwise, no one will respect you, and you'll draw toxic people to you throughout every stage of your life.