Emotional Attachment: Its Concept, Signs, and Ways to Get Rid of It

In some relationships, one person becomes too attached to the other, and they dissolve in their partner until they erase the limits of themselves and hide the features of their personality and independence. Some people may interpret this adherence as a kind of expression of love. However, it is a type of disorder in relationships, which would transform the relationship’s formula and form from a healthy and normal pattern to a toxic and harmful one.

This dissolution in the other and the inability to separate from them is called "emotional attachment", to which we have dedicated this article to define its concept, identify its most prominent signs, and provide tips to get rid of it.

The concept of emotional attachment:

Emotional attachment can be defined as a relationship in the form of an attachment to a partner. It is a type of love addiction classified within the types of behavioural addiction, and it is characterised by the great and exaggerated interest of one party in the relationship with the other in such a way that they are unable to control their actions or their feelings, which leads them to do behaviours resulting from obsessive-compulsive disorder and the constant fear of losing the other party or the other abandoning them.

Emotional attachment is the clearest definition of a relationship in which one party identifies with their partner and dissolves in them to the extent that they lose their personality and being. Therefore, they are separated from their social, family, and work reality, and the partner becomes the centre of the universe for them. Just thinking about the day when this relationship will collapse becomes closer to thinking about the end of the world.

Signs of emotional attachment: 

Signs of emotional attachment cannot be hidden from anyone. Just a simple knowledge of the process of the relationship between two people is sufficient to make a judgement that this relationship is natural, is it based on the attachment of one of the parties to the other, or the two parties are related to each other. Perhaps the most prominent signs of emotional attachment are the following:

1. Anxiety and lack of enjoyment of the emotional relationship with the partner: 

The dominance of doubts and fears on one of the parties to the relationship is one of the signs of their emotional attachment, which makes the related partner always think about the negative things that can happen and cause them to lose their partner, such as separation or attraction of the partner to another person. So, this makes them lose the pleasure of enjoying partnership and love, and this makes them live in constant anxiety of being unsuitable and insufficient for the other, so they rush towards change from themselves in order to obtain continuous satisfaction.

2. Obsession with the other party:

Interest has always been a sign of love, but if it gets too intense and turns into an obsession, it becomes a sign of emotional attachment. The person who is obsessed with checking their partner's movements and following their updates remains an observer of them and their actions and words in real life, and they keep track of their activities on social media and their posts which they try to interpret. In addition, they constantly check their last seen on WhatsApp. 

Emotional attachment makes the sufferer unable to focus on other aspects of their lives. This is because their mind remains occupied with tracking the movements of those they are attached to.

3. Loss of a person's independent identity:

One of the signs of emotional attachment is that a person begins to become a copy of their partner, which results in losing their independent personality and their own identity. The attached person begins to imitate the interests of the person they love, their behaviour, and their way of speaking, and their behaviour stems from great admiration and love; therefore, they begin to gradually lose their features and hobbies and turn into a follower and imitator. 

We must note that normal emotional relationships involve a mutual influence between the two parties, as the two parties of the relationship converge and they are similar in some points to each other as a result of mixing. However, this effect is acceptable and within the limits of logic in its natural states. Nonetheless, in the case of emotional attachment, it is more like cloning one party to another.

4. Attempts to control the partner:

The attempt to restrict the partner and control their behaviour is a sign of emotional attachment, and these attempts may stem from extreme jealousy or selfishness and a desire to monopolise the other party. The related party tries to withdraw their partner from their social life and isolate them from their family environment in order to own them and occupy all their time, which negatively affects the course of the relationship and turns it into a toxic relationship in which one party tries to cancel the boundaries of the other party and restrict their freedom. 

5. Link the mood to the partner:

One of the signs of emotional attachment is the association of a person's mood with regard to their partner's opinion, satisfaction, and evaluation. One word from a partner is enough to turn their mood upside down. This is because the related person connects their self-evaluation with their partner’s satisfaction with them and their evaluation of them after they have lost their self-esteem, so one word of compliment from the partner is able to take them to the top of the pyramid of happiness, and one word of disparagement or slander is enough to plunge them into a cycle of collapse and depression and deteriorate them towards the bottom. 

Reasons for emotional attachment:

The emotional attachment of a person to their partner is the result of several reasons. Most of them are related to the early childhood stage and the method of upbringing that a person received when they were young. The reasons for emotional attachment can be summarised as follows:

1. Being let down in previous relationships: 

Being let down in previous relationships is one of the most common causes of emotional attachment. The person concerned blames themselves for their failure to retain previous people regardless of their relationship with them, whether it is love relationships, friendship, work fellowship, or any other relationship. Their reaction to this is that they try to hold on to the other party urgently, and they do anything to keep them, even if it is at their own expense. This is in order to avoid the great pain of betrayal and abandonment which they have repeatedly experienced and never wish to experience again.

2. Fear of abandonment:

The human fear of abandonment and the consequent feeling of loneliness is one of the reasons for emotional attachment. The reason for this is due to similar experiences experienced by the person concerned or vivid examples that took place in front of them, which leads them to cling to the other with all their strength and attach to them with a strong emotional attachment, for fear of abandonment and being alone suffering from loneliness and pain. 

For example, a girl whose father abandoned her mother, and witnessed her suffering in the face of the hardships of life, loneliness, and pain. These events may cause her to become emotionally unsafe with her lover or husband, for fear of losing them and repeating her mother's tragedy.

3. Being neglected and ignored:

One of the reasons for emotional attachment to the partner is the marginalisation of the attached person by those around them from family and friends, and the absence of a person who makes them feel important and present except for the partner, which makes them cling to them in gratitude for the value they gave them which they had never felt before, and a reaction to the attention they lack that the partner has given them. Therefore, the feelings of self-esteem and importance become attached to that person, so they are attached to them because the experience in their presence positive feelings and values that they have not experienced before. 

4. Deprivation and suppression of feelings: 

The suppression of feelings because there is no one who has the skill to listen to them without judgement and evaluation is one of the causes of emotional attachment. The person does not find someone to reveal their feelings to them and reveal their feelings of convulsions without flogging or reprimanding them, so they get used to suppression. Also, when a person appears in their lives who listens to them, comforts them, and does not blame them, no matter how wrong their position is, they have a strong emotional attachment to them. This is because for them this person is  their refuge that they can turn to at all times, not caring about the false image that they may form about them because they know their essence and truth.

Ways to get rid of emotional attachment:

Emotional attachment, as we mentioned, is often due to the individual’s low self-esteem and linking their value to the partner’s satisfaction with them. So, here are some ways to get rid of emotional attachment, which the individual can apply to themselves: 

1. Raise self-worth and self-esteem, look at the self with respect and gratitude for its achievements and tasks it performs, reward it for that, and do not wait for appreciation from others.
2. Avoid self-flagellation and cruelty to it, and find justifications and excuses for it, as if it is someone we love who is complaining to us of their shortcomings and guilt.
3. Respect the personal boundaries of oneself and others, and do not accept to waive them to the other party or violate their own boundaries.
4. Work to raise awareness that human relationships can often be temporary and that relationships - especially harmful ones - are best ended as quickly as possible.
5. Occupy yourself with many tasks, hobbies, and practices that you love and enjoy, so that you do not find free time to think about the other party and try to limit it or restrict it.
6. Engaging in new relationships and friendships in order to break the routine and boredom, accustom oneself to change, and get out of the comfort zone.
7. Think in abundance instead of scarcity. Instead of a person thinking about a negative aspect that they do not like in themselves and are afraid that their partner will leave them for it, they should think about the number of commendable qualities they possess, which their partner is lucky to have in them. Also, they must be convinced that no person is perfect, as we are all a mixture of advantages and disadvantages, even our partner themselves.
8. Learn emotional intelligence skills that will help each person understand their own feelings, causes, and responses, and subsequently the feelings and actions of others.
9. Education regarding relationships, their types, methods of dealing with and drawing boundaries in them, how they are healthy, and when they are satisfactory and toxic.
10. Do not hesitate to seek the help of psychologists or family specialists if one of the two parties feels that the relationship is unequal and that one is unnaturally overpowering the other.

In conclusion:

Emotional attachment is the result of poor self-esteem, a wrong view of it, and an improper way of dealing with it. Make the person who has suffered all this satisfactorily relate to any person who treats them with respect and humanity as they deserve, or deals with them in a way that exploits their own loopholes. Therefore, each of us must know themselves well and understand their limits before entering into any relationship with others, whatever their quality or type.