Body language principles: can we control it?

Many consider body language voodoo magic. It’s not something we can actually control but something that our subconscious mind dictates. But is that really true?

It’s something scientists, psychologists, and experts in various fields have been trying to solve for decades now. There’s no real consensus on the matter, and the various rules put in place to discuss controlling body language have all been broken one way or another.

Generalities remain our best chance at understanding body language, but controlling it is a different story. The point of this article is to list out all the principles that supposedly allow us to use body language in the right social context, or, to be more specific, communicate non-verbally and get the messages we want across.

What science says about all the current body language principles?

1. Body Language Communication Is Continuous:

We know that non-verbal communication makes up about 60% to 90% of our everyday communication, whether we realise it or not. It’s something unavoidable.

If you try to stop yourself from sounding a certain way or changing your normal gait, it’ll likely be met with resistance from your subconscious mind.

Why is that? To understand this better, think about your everyday interactions with others. You use words to communicate your thoughts. That’s cool, but you’re also using your body language, tone of voice, eye contact, choice of clothes, and facial expressions. ALL these things impact how the other party perceives you.

It’s hard to isolate any one of these variables, and that’s why non-verbal communication is part and parcel of your overall body language. You need to nail everything down in order to have the intended effect on others.

2. Body Language Is Ambiguous:

It’s hard to study body language because it’s so random. There’s no telling what each sign could mean.

For example, a person might cross their arms if they’re feeling defensive, yet they could also be thinking about something deeply. If someone looks at you a certain way, it doesn’t always mean they like or dislike you based on how their eyebrows move.

There’s always that ambiguity present, and subjective interpretation can make things even murkier. That’s why general rules have been put in place to make life easier for anyone.

Sure, some gestures, such as the thumbs-up, signal acceptance or agreement 90% of the time, but what about the remaining 10%? Maybe it’s used in a humorous manner to lighten up the mood, or maybe it could stand in for something more sinister, like someone giving the green light to have you kidnapped.

At any rate, your ability to control body language cues comes from developing a proper understanding of all the possible contexts a cue could be used in. That’s not really practical or realistic, but until something better comes along, that’s all we have.

3. Body Language Is Powerful:

You already knew that. It still bears mentioning once again. Body language is far more powerful and effective than verbal language.

You communicate using it most of the time, and if you mess up, you risk coming off the wrong way and alienating others.

There’s a fine line between using too little and too much body language. If you don’t know how to adjust your tone of voice or learn the right posture, people won’t react favourably to you.

If you go in the opposite direction and jump up and down or do a lot of things at the same time, you risk appearing creepy or weird.

The truth is, however, that body language is powerful because it’s authentic. In other words, it’s hard to fake your feelings or body cues when you’re in front of someone.

People can tell if you’re embarrassed, sad, or happy by the way you look and stand. Words aren’t always an accurate reflection of what’s going on, but body language usually is.

Your best bet is to work on one thing at a time. Take care of your posture. Then, turn your attention toward your tone of voice. After that, it’s time to incorporate little gestures here and there and maybe the occasional strong eye contact or a big smile.

The lesson here is to use body language well because it’s your strongest ally in communication.

4. Body Language Regulates Your Interactions:

Continuing on from the last point, if you understand how to leverage body language to your advantage, the sky's the limit when it comes to your daily interactions.

You’ll be able to move a conversation in the direction you want if you know what to do. For example, if you’re trying to get to know someone better, you can lean in during the conversation and keep an open-body stance to emphasise trust.

This way, it’s easier for the person in front of you to understand that your intentions are good, and they can open up more to you.

Likewise, if the conversation, either in a group or with a single individual, is not going the way you want, you can use body language to get any number of points across. 

If it’s a boring topic, you can roll your eyes, nod along silently, or stay “out” of a conversation until you’re needed.

You can also adjust the pace of interaction the way you want. If you’re in a hurry, speed things up by walking faster or talking without taking a pause. If you have time, you can slow down and let the other person know they can take their time as well.

Sometimes, tough situations make us forget how to calibrate our body language properly. The best you can do in such instances is to improvise whenever possible.

5. Body Language Is Culture-Specific:

This last principle tells us that what might be considered appropriate body language in one culture might be deemed offensive in another. The rules here become quite complex.

Staying silent is considered weird in North America, while it’s totally normal in China or Japan.

Shaking hands with everyone you meet is considered the norm in western countries, and you’re weird if you shy away from a handshake. In contrast, Middle Eastern culture forbids shaking hands when females are around.

For example, eye contact is a natural and healthy part of social interactions in western culture. However, Asian cultures consider eye contact rude when talking to females, and too much of it can be interpreted as a sign of aggression there as well.

Obviously, you can’t control how cultures perceive certain body language cues, and so you have to abide by their own rules.

Being mindful of these differences can help you succeed more when talking to people from different walks of life.

In Conclusion:

Body language is hard to grasp. Even the best of us lose sight of what to do when social interaction is unfolding. What we can do is educate ourselves about body language in general, the guidelines we can follow during certain social interactions, and hope for the best.

We’ve discussed 5 principles that relate to body language and whether we can control it most of the time.

The takeaway is that you can if you do all the basics right. This means watching everything from your posture to the way you look at people.

You can’t focus on one specific body language cue at the expense of the others. That’s why when you become proficient at this, it’s hard not to see continual progress.

At the end of the day, you can’t escape communicating without using your body language, unless you intend on changing human communication altogether.

Your best bet is to learn how to control it as much as you can.