8 Signs That a Relationship is Emotionally Abusive
The worst thing you can expect from your partner is an abusive relationship. Physical abuse is bad and its results are visible to everyone. However, emotional abuse in a relationship is a hidden danger, often very destructive and painful. People are subjected to emotional abuse in their marital life because they do not recognize its signs and symptoms. What are the signs of an abusive man? What are the signs and symptoms of emotional abuse?
Get a deeper understanding of the early red flags of emotional abuse and learn how to protect yourself from getting hurt by reading this article.
Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?
If this happens, then you'll be familiar with the signs of emotional abuse mentioned in this article. Even if you haven't had such an experience, it's a good idea to get to know the early signs of an abusive relationship that may help you in your marriage. You may not realize that you go through this kind of relationship often as this applies to both men and women.
The signs of emotional abuse can be very vague, but some red flags can help you anticipate what you're going to experience. In addition, there are things you can do to avoid such an abusive relationship. In this article, we will enlighten you with the most common indicators.
Both men and women go through a lot in their relationships, whether before or after marriage. Most of them tend to put up with a lot, not realizing that sooner or later serious problems will arise in their relationship. The sooner you recognize the signs of emotional abuse, the better.
Before delving further into that, you need to understand the meaning of emotional abuse and know the characteristics of the abuser.
What does the term "abuse" mean?
Abuse means exploitation, humiliation, and mistreatment. As for the relationship, abuse is the excessive use of power that takes advantage of trust and intimacy in the relationship, making the victim vulnerable.
"The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse." Irish thinker Edmund Burke.
Abuse is practiced in various ways, and it is not limited to physical violence only, as it is an attempt to manipulate the behavior of another person.
What is an abusive relationship?
An abusive relationship includes emotional, psychological, physical, and verbal abuse, as well as financial control.
1. Physical abuse:
This may include actions, such as punching, hitting, hair pulling, and kicking. To name a few, but not limited to the cases of domestic violence and other relationships.
2. Emotional abuse:
It can be in the form of bullying, teasing, and humiliation. In addition, Intimidation, threats, contempt, and betrayal are other forms of it.
3. Psychological abuse:
It manifests in the form of harassment, psychological torture, blame, and humiliating methods to put a person under pressure, causing them to be in a state of despair and intellectual disability.
4. Verbal abuse:
It includes cursing and the use of obscene language, and often leads to low self-esteem.
5. Financial abuse:
It occurs when you are not allowed to keep, use, or dispose your money.
The British novelist Rachel Abbott says, "The quiet but inexorable breaking down of self-esteem is much more sinister - it’s a violation of the soul."
What is emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse, also known as psychological abuse, involves the insidious and systematic exploitation of the abuser through non-physical actions. It is identified by several signs and symptoms of emotional abuse.
The signs include intimidation, threats, criticism, insults, mockery, blame, defamation, undermining, guilt, neglect or exclusion, humiliation, financial exploitation, emotional bullying, and controlling behavior.
According to Wikipedia, emotional abuse is a form of abuse characterized by subjecting or exposing another person to behavior that may lead to psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.
What are the "abuser" characteristics?
The abuser is a human being too, but with a destructive complex and problem that no one should underestimate. This person's actions are intentional, and their behavior is conscious most of the time. They are aware of what they are doing but that is not necessarily the reason why they are doing it.
The abuser learns how to manipulate and control behavior from various sources, such as peers, role models, and prevailing cultural trends, and upon reaching adulthood, their evasive behavior becomes automatic.
Emotional abuse in the marital life:
Falling in love is so wonderful that you often overlook potential problems that might occur, including getting into an abusive relationship. You fall in love, get married quickly, and tend to completely give up on marriage to make your partner happy that you lose sight of the early red flags of an abusive relationship slowly creeping into your life. Sometimes love can hurt you during this process, and you may have marital problems as well. But an emotionally abusive relationship is a little different, more intense, and dangerous. Violence or abuse does not appear in the relationship's early stages, but rather develops slowly over time, so the more sacrifices you make, the closer to the danger you will be.
As human beings, we all want to live a life full of love. No one ever plans or thinks about entering into an abusive relationship, and some of those who go through this experience swear never to have another relationship.
The writer and psychiatrist Beverly Engel says that "You have the right to your own ideas and opinions, to make your own decisions, and to have things go your way at times. Stand up for those rights."
One of the first early signs of an abusive relationship is your gut feeling that things aren't going well. It often takes about five to seven instances of violence before the victim decides to abandon the abuser.
Underestimating the other person, or a partner's lack of love may also lead to an abusive relationship. It's easy to avoid this relationship if you are able to spot the initial red flags. If your partner is doing any of the following, you may be in an abusive relationship.
8 Signs of emotional abuse in a relationship:
Pay great attention to these red flags if you're in a relationship because if you've been exposed to them, you could be in an abusive relationship without even realizing it.
Sometimes, even normal people show signs of emotional abuse. But if these are severe or frequent, they may be real indicators of an emotionally abusive relationship. You should evaluate this based on what your gut feeling tells you about your partner. If you notice signs that they are going to abuse you, take action immediately.
In this article, you'll also find practical steps or suggestions that may help you deal with emotional abuse if you've been exposed to it in your life.
Here are some signs and symptoms of emotional abuse:
1. Immediate commitment and compliance:
This is among the first signs of emotional abuse. Your partner may rush the relationship aggressively, force you to commit before you're ready to do so, may want you to be more submissive, and force you to do so. In addition, they may express a desire to marry you as quickly as possible, or flatter you a lot more than expected to win your heart.
What should you do?
Don't rush it and tell your partner that you'll think it through and decide. There is no need to rush, as love needs time to mature. Therefore, keep things moving at a slow pace until you are absolutely sure of what you want. Don't make promises and don't give in to pressure in order not to regret it later.
2. Dominant and jealous behavior:
Your partner may be of controlling nature and want to control how you dress, where you go, and the things you do. They may call you constantly, make unexpected visits, and sometimes even accuse you of cheating, or blame you for things you did not do either because they were jealous or for the sadistic pleasure they felt when doing so. The occurrence of such things raises alarm bells, as they may be signs and symptoms of emotional abuse.
Jealousy is a negative feeling, a result of insecurity, and your excessive love for possession. Excessive jealousy may lead to an abusive relationship. Sometimes the partner tends to think that they are the one in control, or that all decisions belong to them because they are usually the one who leads the relationship. It is good to step aside and let your partner make the decisions, but don't let them think that you will meet all their expectations.
If your significant other exhibits some signs of jealousy, tells you how much they love you and can't stand seeing you with someone else, or allows you to get close to anyone, then, this is not what love is about, but rather an attempt to control you. When you are in love, the relationship is built on trust, loyalty, and freedom. This means that your partner trusts you wherever you go or whomever you are with, and gives you the freedom to be yourself.
True love always gives freedom. Make sure that you don't view jealousy as a sign of your partner's passionate love, or of control as an indicator of protecting you. Instead, these may be signs of emotional abuse.
What should you do?
Learn how to say no, and do what you want. This includes the way you dress (depending on your culture and society). Visit your family and friends without thinking or hesitation, as the relationship should be built on balance and equilibrium. Therefore, both parties must solve problems and make decisions together. Do not succumb to the jealous and controlling nature of your partner because this may determine the pattern of your future relationship, or your partner may expect you to do what you are always told if you submit to their orders once.
"Trying to force someone to fall in love with you is futile, just like trying to control whom you love." American actor James Earl Jones.
3. Possessiveness and isolation:
Your partner may want you to always talk to them or be with them, and they may hate you for indulging in social relationships, as they come up with reasons to convince you that your presence with them is better than your presence with others. A partner with this trait tries to isolate you, directly or indirectly from your social surroundings just to keep you for himself.
If you succumb to this person's possessive behavior, you will lose contact with your family and friends, and this will alienate you completely from them and the rest of the world. This is not a good indicator as it is one of the signs of emotional abuse. If your relationship is healthy and based on true love, you should thrive in a society where you are surrounded by your loved ones and friends.
What should you do?
Involve your family and friends in the relationship, or meet other couples and people. Establish this habit from the start, so you know from your partner's reactions if he's possessive and wants to isolate you from others.
4. High Expectations and Humiliation:
Your partner may expect you to be an ideal person, to fulfill all of his needs and desires, and if you don't do this or make mistakes, you will be punished for it. He may then resent and shun you, and do whatever it takes to degrade you as a punishment. He will do everything to humiliate you, make you feel bad about yourself, insult and criticize you, shame you, and degrade you in public to make you feel powerless.
Don't be fooled by these things, because these are definitely signs of emotional abuse in a relationship. Everyone makes mistakes. Therefore, it's better to forgive yourself when you make mistakes.
What should you do?
Set boundaries, and confront your partner's unrealistically high expectations. Don't allow him to control your life or humiliate you. Do these things early in the relationship, and live with setting boundaries on acceptable and unacceptable behavior. coexist with drawing boundaries for acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
5. Hypersensitivity:
Your partner may easily get offended, or view some missteps as a personal attack. You may feel that everything you say may upset your partner, so you suppress your feelings. This is a problem if it happens often, and it may be one of the signs of emotional abuse by your partner.
No one is perfect, and you have to remember that there is no perfect relationship. There are times when you disappoint and upset your partner. You must accept this fact.
What should you do?
You need to confront your partner and solve your marriage or relationship problems, rather than adjusting to their hypersensitivity. If you're afraid to talk to him, and can't express your feelings about it, reconsider your decision to be in a relationship with someone like him. You need someone who is more understanding, and who doesn't take things personally or make them offensive.
6. Mood swings:
Your partner may be irritable, unpredictable, and have mood swings. You may feel confused not knowing what could happen next if he loses his temper or you can’t predict what mood he will be in the next minute, and this will often lead to misunderstandings that are better avoided.
As a partner in this relationship, you may often be patient with such mood swings and an ill temper. You may even try to keep your cool and find a solution to things if possible, and this is not always easy as such repetitive behaviors are indicators of an emotionally abusive relationship.
What should you do?
Once your partner shows these traits, you have to set boundaries. Everyone may get angry from time to time and this is normal, but overdoing it can be dangerous, and it should be a warning sign of what might happen later in the relationship. So, express your discomfort to your partner, say that you will not tolerate such mood swings and violence, and put an end to things right from the start before they get out of control.
7. Placing the blame:
Your partner may blame anything or any person for the problem he is facing, he might even blame you indirectly for their behavior. Sometimes people like to play the blame game and claim that if you hadn't put them in such a situation, things would have been different. Or that if you changed your attitude, he wouldn't have done what he did. People like this will continue to blame you for their mistakes, and this may destroy your self-esteem.
Do not regard this behavior as normal. It is one of the signs of emotional abuse that your partner uses to frustrate you. Such people do not take responsibility for their actions and prefer to blame others, which may make you feel that you are worthless or that you are the problem.
What should you do?
Look at this behavior as one of the early signs of an abusive relationship, because they will blame you for whatever goes wrong later in their life. If it happens once, it can happen again and again, and the blame game will continue for life if you don't put an end to it from the start.
8. The history of your partner:
How well do you know about your partner's past? Does he have a history of abusive relationships, or perhaps talks about his past relationships and blames everyone around him for their failure?
You should beware of someone like this. If your partner has a history like this, you may be the next victim unless he undergoes counseling. These types of people rarely change the course of their lives, so pay attention to subtle signs of a controlling partner, or emotional abuse.
What should you do?
Do not fall for what these people say or for their promises of improvement, because their history is evidence that they will not change. It is a clear indication that such a person isn’t self-aware, and he will end up blaming you for what happened to him.
Walk away from such a person if you knew about this from the start and try to get out of the relationship if you found out later.
In conclusion:
There may be more signs and indicators of emotional abuse, but this article provides a good idea to help you assess your situation. You should not underestimate any of the early warning signs of an abusive relationship, and do not accept abuse, insult, verbal abuse, or abusive behavior of any kind.
Remember that this is not your fault, and by knowing these early signs of an emotionally abusive relationship, you can stay away from the people who might destroy your life later. Don't feel ashamed of what happened, and seek help or support instead. This will boost your self-esteem, make you feel stronger, and protect you from further abusive attacks.
Never ignore your intuition and what your conscious mind tells you about how you feel about your partner. If you feel fear, danger, or suspicion, reconsider why you feel that way.
And if you really want to move forward in such a relationship, the long-term effects of emotional abuse may negatively affect your self-esteem.
We hope you benefit from these warning signs of an emotionally abusive relationship and protect yourself from getting hurt.